Landfill

I try and not let hate
percolate through my permeable membrane
but I hear lead goes through easierA
ll you have to do is cock back a pin
 and let it tick to the perpetual rotation
of a revolving barrel that takes care of you slowly
second by second and second chances
are just moments for relapses
back into a rhythm of tracks
aligned parallel along veins
leading to the heart
to deliver a substance so sweet
that it turns God’s nectar
into basement alchemist labs
which stab veins
and deliver train after train
to stationary brains in
back alleys and back stage
where they can heat up life in a spoon
and chase that dragon
only for it to be shot outta the sky
and your eyes
turn blood red
at the thought of you losing that friend
so you need some visine
for those holes to see
the damage of a wrecking speedball
battering your brain
Misery is pain
Misery loves company
so it’s funny how nobody wants to be around you
as you withdraw
 and draw a line in the sand of time and say
“Ha, I’ll never see you again”.
But only two weeks later
you find yourself retracing steps
and stumble upon a hole
You got so high
you had to dig to the earth’s core just to feel grounded
You found a crater
of the last jagger bombs
 which got you the right amount of dizzy
and that right amount of fucked
and you remember when it hit
your lips
to that vase
holding a different kind of fauna
which seeds in you this fantasy
which grows
And you climb
Jack and the bean stock style
up this plant to find that these gateway joints
found you the gateway to heaven
and their waiting for you
to get high enough to find them
because when you do
You won’t come back
so they erase you from memories
as they cry tears of anger not pain
and feel pathetic not happy
because you threw your life
into an 8 mile landfill
but didn’t have the strength to climb back out
So I thought one day
I’d suite up my self
propel down into that landfill
and pull you out
but I couldn’t find you
You were taken in a pipe line
of crude turmoil
which burns the lamp at midnight
by which you scribe hieroglyphics on the walls
but you understand
what the pictographs
scratched as a time keeper
on your cell walls mean
and they speak to you
in tongues
tasting life
as bitter, unfiltered city air
and they love it
because for the next thirty days
they’ll be free
as you sit in rehab and rewire your life
or just try and patch it together
with tear drop tattoos of “your crew”
well your screwed
cuz they’re not here for you
You’re all alone
 and they’re gunna digest you
 in the belly of the beast
 and spit you out
not exactly the same
But hopefully
if you’re lucky
better

Build Me

The mountains stretch upward
trapping the polution in the valley
did it hurt when you saw
that a man made solution
causes more problems for the future?
did it hurt?
when you realized you weren't invincible
as the mountain face swallowed you whole
back to the Earth with which God formed you
in the palm of his hand like a child
promised he would never fail you
then forgot.
Did it hurt?
when you realized every lesson preached to you
since the first grade was just a story
of how somebody came to understand everything
through a fictional novel
would it hurt?
if you realized that there is no validity
to the seeds they sew, so
it hurts.
to escape this
I've been shooting life
straight into my prominent veins
it bubles my blood
but doesn't kill me because
it loves me
but I wish it would just kill me
so that I could answer all of lifes questions
did it hurt?
when I started shooting life
into myself with a shotgun
so that it wouldn't sustain
but only touch me for a little while
did it hurt?
when the world turned to black
could you perceive it
did it hurt?
with ur jaw stretched upward to the heavens
did it hurt?
when you heard them cry
did it hurt?
when you couldn't answer
it hurt.
It all hurt.
as this twisted jaw
whispered to God
but only the bird's heard
it hurt.
i felt it
as it coursed through me
as it made its way
back out to the world
I felt it
Like the first touch of a young girl
I felt it
because nothing that's sacred
means anything anymore
I felt it
you knelt to the floor beside me
asked me why
and cried with me
it hurt.
knowing that mother
I failed you
and left life hanging from the ceiling
for the world to see
but I love you
father
you built me from
the wrickedy remains
of broken bones
and sand
I failed you
but failure is only measured
on report cards
in life,
I'll aid you
so that your memory won't leave you
so that you can tell me all about
what it was like to feel left out
because there are so many things
and it's so hard to feel anything
that I want to know
what it felt like
to be real
not imported by a lark
from china
made with shitty parts
lead pant
and child hands
they are too young
to feel the touch of a man
so you called your self.
did it hurt?
to know more in a short life
Than in one lived through to the end
it all hurts
but I can't cry
because I'm a real man
So it hurts
Because my tears have been building up
since I was old enough to act tough
I'll just release them,
relieve them
it hurt.

Innocent

If I told you I was innocent
Would you believe me?
I have the eyes of a child
but to me they feel old
Because at the time
I was only 15 years old
They tell I have time
To live and let live
To live and forget
But not until there's meaning
To "serve and protect"
This wasn't an oxymoron
Derived from tyrannical hands
Like "democratic freedom"
And "dominion over land"
Because where we stand
The grass is greener
And so are the pockets
Of the pimp
Which feeds her life through a tube
That's not a condom
Because she gets paid more that way
More of a rush
A connection with love
That isn't love
Because your income
Comes from a cock
Without a glove
Because the teachers
Are too shy
To save our lives
From this intertwined messed
Stitched together with divine twine
Which makes them feel that their life
Is worth more than mine
So if I told you I was innocent
What would you say?
Would you pawn me off
As another lost cause
Because I spoke
Before that first toke
Of Mary Jane...
How beautiful she was
In that corrupted green dress
Which is her Sunday best
Because she's got constant spins
From rolling between fingers
And pursed lips
Which drip
About last nights acid trip
Which sent her away forever...
How beautiful she was
As they wrapped her in satin
Placed her on a bed of roses
Then sent her off
To the tune of no song
Because none were good enough
To express the words of us all
As a collective unit
But if they had to play it
I'd tune it out
Because one wrong word
And I have no doubt
That I'd lose it
So if I told you I was innocent
Would you see what I see?
I've seen the world over
Fight over
World order
And everything in between
Because less is more
when you make us sweat corruption
out of every pore
So watch it
Because I'm young enough
To weave your linens
From gun cotton
So you burn up
Re-entering the atmosphere
Of anything
Except for dreams
Because if we get caught up on these
We'll all fall
So what would you do, if I told you I was innocent?
Do you always believe what your told?

Pandora's Box

You think your so "G"
because you stand a little taller than me
you wear a snap-back
and your arms aren't quite as gangly, you see
I don't really care
but your too deaf to listen
saying your in with the ladies
but I highly doubt they felt it
because your just a hair
on the ball of the planet
Your impact is negligible
yet negative because you refuse
to do anything positive
or live with the grace with which your family lives
your from an upper middle-class white family
your hate has no motive
One day I'll take you out
a non-violent way
break you with these words
turn your blood into clay
lets see that weak heart
pump that shit through your veins
I know it's gunna hurt
but it's worth it to hear you complain
I'll saturate you with lies
the pressure's building
but don't relieve it
I have the eyes of a wise man
and I'll fucking make you believe it
And once the pressure over comes you
pop a hole in your head
the pressure is released
maybe I'll leave you for dead
like I know you would have done for me
but I waited on through it
maybe patience is the key
but it won't open Pandora's box
so maybe a Glock will let me see
what it's like to be let be
and live life like it's free
but cash is still the key
to live life to the fullest... wallet
so I can stand up on the pulpit and read you your sentence
I'll turn your gold bars into jail bars
gold ring? fuck a halo
you played a ponzi scheme on life
ain't nobody gunna bail you
out from hells depths
because your too deaf to listen
so you didn't hear God
when he offered you his steps.

Life-aholic

Hi my name's AP
"Hi AP"
I've spent the last 18 years of my life getting high on it
and I dunno if I can ever quit
because with every hit
the high won't submit
to my self-conscious wish.
I used to use this to escape reality
but when it started to encroach on my fantasy it kind of lost interest in me.
I would like to think that there are greater things at the end of the rainbow
fabricated by the MD MA laced trace of the moments which hurt me in the past
cuz the moments themselves aren't here to stay
and the impact they have has left me in withdrawal, but hey.
All good things must come to an end
except for those which stand you on your head
because these are the tools of reason
so you can take a step back from the feeling
and admire all the memories
through the haze with which they were conceived.
damn I have a craving.
I already possess part of that component
which will help me light a moment
but the rest is up to you
so meet me in a minute
I need to buy some life
then I can take that first letter
and roll something nice
maybe next time I'll try a needle
It'll shoot it right to me
or maybe a shotgun
so it goes right through me
and in the process I can satisfy the wonder if it hurts
or if the lights just turn off
then I'll wake up in a hers
after you revive me from the shock
of watching lives burn like pot between God's lip
go ahead and snort that last line
the meaning is potent
he'll do nothing to stop you
he shares in the profit.

For Hire

I was always told that the heavens were white washed
but damn, it's a lot darker than you think
So I wonder if maybe truth's ink got damned to cumulonimbus clouds
by a pen that never touched paper
or maybe if we're lucky
he's saving it for later
But how late can you get?
cuz the Crusades are long over
but the Holocaust still has breathe
so I was sceptical when told that you are the lesser of 2 evils
because you wrote a fiction novel
making this devil seem more honest
people are calling it a bible
and they follow it like the creases in the palms of their hands
then their 5 fingers turn to 3
as they get as tight with life as they can
And this church was sent to inspire me
but refused to hire me
after I pirated the book off the Internet
embedded a virus and called it "God sent"
And since that didn't work
I'm gunna make an impact now
take this knife to the crowd
and let them all bleed out
But I have no doubt that I'll be condemned for this
but I'm just doing what I'm told
to satisfy the stories in a book too old
to deal with the modern day ideals
delivered to me by everything
except for the ones that mean most to me
So I'll take the knife and clear cut log God's wood
so he can't father more bastards
as me whore out mother Earth
Then maybe every fibre in her being will turn optic
so she'll be enlightened and realize
that he always looks down upon us
as he resides in the clouds
but blocks out the sun
that's why when fog settles in
I shoot at it with a gun
but what happens on the blue sky days?
do you turn your back
and fall victim to that gaze
as you watch him grow older
after seeing what's been done
but they carry your intentions
lets not pawn this off on anyone
So sue me I dare you
step off of your cloud
finally put that pen to paper
and feel the power flow out
I hope you realize what you've done
fall to your knees
so we can sacrifice the Shepherd
he's lost enough sheep
in your memory I'll pick myself a rose bush
build a rosary with thorns
tie it like a noose
so I don't have to deal with this anymore
And I hope when they find me
they tie me to a cross
just so they can realize
that the book bears a cost

I Wish

I wish I could tell you
that this didn't exist
and that Schindler's
wasn't God's wish list
for souls to build angels
with wings tipped at odd angles
due to the radiation
that mutated the lifeline
of a far east nation
but if you take
the short way west
it's your best bet
to come to grips
with the shit
you caused
and forced the implementation
of global laws
for scientific experimentation
because when the waters reach your shores
your wallets will pay
for the reason to celebrate
a Manhattan street slaying
that was given an emotional connection
by the dialect directed
at the hard metal cases
before cries were a detection on the radar
to which they sang
the melodies
of the green glowing seas
of light burned flesh
and intergenetic tragedies
where X marks the spot
of the chromosome which over-sees
the assurance of legitimate
offspring extremities
but the alchemist radiation
turned this treasure
into a fuse
of short duration
which your body will miss
due to compromised filtration
so now the puzzle
is missing a few pieces
at the final chance
of these unrenewable leases
its a one shot deal
that's not a deal at all
because they thought it all through
yet those bombs still fall
I want an explanation
to why they flexed their global muscles
but not their patience
they rather lift the chalk and choose
what's the best way
to get rid of you
so what made words
th bitter hues
of death on the ends
of political pool ques
used to play a game of let's blame eachother
and distract them from the frame
where hangs the picture
of what we saved
but not what we destroyed
for scientific gains
cuz now their tear ducts are fused
but refuse to hold back
and loosen the noose
hanging in the skies
being held by Zeus
so I wish I could tell you
that this didn't exist
and a reason to believe that
is on my wish list.